I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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