Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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