he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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