The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize