She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
