we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
