I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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