I smell stomach acid.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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