covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Did you pee in the oven last night??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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