You really coming over, don't trick.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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