Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
