OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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