What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize