Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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