I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
