I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
