So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
