Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
God I need to hump something, right now.
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