he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
