Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Are we still banned from the library?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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