they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
