Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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