im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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