So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
