At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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