I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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