I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
