u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
