i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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