Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
