It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
