so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
