Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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