just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
