I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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