i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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