i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
