She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
