HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
That reminds me...we need to get swords
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
