I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
