i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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