I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I FOUND THE LEGS
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
