I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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