Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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