sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
