Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
