we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
