We won't sleep together?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
