Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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