im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
