I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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