the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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