dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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