Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
