So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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