Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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