Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
