My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pants are for mortals
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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