Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
