I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
