if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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