i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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