Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
