return my video game
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize