My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
