omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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