I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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