I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
