we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
