Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
