It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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