i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
