Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
