He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just found puke in my bra..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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